Did you know that more than 85% of North Americans suffer from a lack of self-confidence¹? Why is it that something that might’ve seemed so simple long ago is now the root phenomenon of our day-to-day lives? Let’s explore how your self-confidence build-up can contribute to your Neuro well-being and self-development.
Self-confidence is the ability to have trust in your abilities, judgment, and several areas that contribute to the developing self. A lot of people struggle with this, but why? It could develop from various amounts of reasons. Society, pressure, bullying, putdowns, etc. When we lose this happiness and self-contentment that we once harboured as young children, is there any way to get it back? Think of your biggest insecurity. How did it develop? If it’s something to do with your physical appearance, you probably weren’t insecure about it until society inferred that you should. Maybe you’re insecure about something emotionally, perhaps you suffer from negative thoughts like “You aren’t good enough” or “Maybe if you talked like them, you would fit in.” It’s extremely difficult to tame this wild horse that doesn’t seem to leave you alone. Neurologically speaking, the human brain desires and needs constant validation; it isn’t to appear as needy or self-demanding. It is literally built into our very own neural pathways and is supported by chemicals such as dopamine to enter into our reward system. This becomes stronger and more painful when we no longer have confidence in ourselves. What are some strategies we can obtain to build up our self-confidence? We need strategies to help us build our self-confidence. I’m going to share with you 3 most helpful strategies that therapists and psychologists use to help others build it up.
Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive Restructuring is an important strategy we can use to help us deal with negative thoughts that contribute to our low self-esteem. The key in cognitive restructuring is to identify, question, and replace the thoughts with more positive and realistic alternatives. For example, say you have this negative thought: “I’m going to mess up as a sales representative; people are just going to judge me.” Identify and validate your feelings. Write it down, how it makes you feel inside. Then, challenge and question it, almost like a debate. “I’m passionate about providing people with guidance as a sales representative, and I’m good at it. Why should I be concerned?” Then, replace the thought. “I’m going to succeed as a sales representative; I’m confident in myself.” It might seem unreal or hesitant now, but with practice, over time, this positive thinking will become engraved in your brain, and you will get your confidence back.
Practice Mindfulness and Self-compassion
Mindfulness can help you truly feel your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You need to disregard the cycle of overthinking that fuels your lack of self-confidence. You need to think of your negative thoughts as valid, yet incomplete. Take time to realize the actual facts and beauty about yourself. When I was struggling with this concept, I came across something I read that reminded me to be mindful of my struggles instead of looking at it with an extreme pessimistic view. “Remember, this moment is not your life, it’s just a moment in your life.” -Ryan Holiday. This implies that whatever is hurting your confidence in any area of your life is valid, yet incomplete.
Be compassionate to yourself. You’re human, you’re going to make mistakes. And setbacks. Don’t let it convince you that you are unable to change and develop. Instead, respect yourself for the small changes you’ve committed to; the small desires of a growth mindset are what can determine real bravery.
Finally, take committed value-based actions.
Exposure is key to healing and building self-confidence in something you fear. Be certain you are doing it slowly and in a safe way. Pay attention to how much you can do in what amount of time. Don’t push it! Remember that you’re not the only person who suffers from a lack of self-confidence. Even people whose lives might match your exact dreams and goals still suffer from low self-esteem. If you want to hear more stories about this, check out the link below; it’s a true story.
How a Nuclear Physicist Overcame Self-Doubt – Nick Wignall
In summary, self-confidence is your right. You deserve to be confident and content with yourself! Even if you’re struggling with building back your confidence, know that you’ll eventually get there with the right help and support. Healing takes time; you can’t pick off a scab before it heals, it’ll just open up and bleed again. Until next time,
– R.J.
Resources
Neuro-Wellbeing & The Developing Self 
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